Resolution - Listen More & Argue Better

Note: The initial draft of this was written the week following Donald Trump's inauguration.  

I am not alone when I say that since Donald Trump was elected President, my mind has been running circles. This is even more true in the last week, since his presidency has been made a harsh reality.

The United States has historically treated its people very differently, depending on identity and income level. The unequal levels of opportunity and protection that this country holds for its citizens are far from new, and the inequality is not new to my own range of knowledge.Yet, I have not been as active or proactive in combating inequality as I have the ability to be.

I hold an identity that often benefits me. I get the long end of the stick in many cases. I am white, cis-gendered, upper-middle class, able-bodied, for all intensive purposes straight, and college-educated, to begin. My identity is something I think about often. How do I contribute to a more equal world when who I am protects me against the negatives of this inequality? In fact, I am not only protected from many negatives, but I benefit from others experiencing them.

Listening is key, being open to criticism is key, and taking a step back from my narrow view of the world to absorb that of others is key. Yet all of these positive steps are in vain unless I consider them in my actions. This step can oftentimes be confusing and challenging.

Not only do I need to push myself to go through this process, but it is very important to me that I use my time and energy to encourage others to do the same. The problem is, I can be stubborn and passionate--personality traits that can be very useful when used correctly, but detrimental to a cause when used incorrectly. My emotions have often gotten in the way of arguments, and my stubbornness has made me seem unapproachable. Even if I am making a strong logical argument, the emotional exertion I exude is enough to turn people off. It makes sense; I wouldn't react well to that type of treatment either.

I have realized how important it is for me to take the fire I feel about social injustices and put it towards a product, as well as keep my emotions tame when discussing these issues with others. I have learned that asking questions can be the most productive way of challenging the opinions.

In the face of this election, I am making an effort to listen more, ask questions more, and stop going on tirades about the issues I care about. I must learn to communicate effectively, not just passionately.

My plan is to reach out to loved ones who have differing views than I, or more interaction with people who do, and ask them for their advice and their perspective. My immediate circle does not support the Trump agenda--be they republican, democrat, independent, libertarian. They do have different perspectives on why his agenda is harmful to our whole. I need to hear what they have to say, and shut up for a minute.

Living life and whatnot

It's an overcast Sunday here in Carrboro, NC. It has been a nice weekend spent mostly indoors, though boy and I did venture outside to put soil in our new compost bin and moss on our new bonsai tree. We have been particularly Carrboro (read: bougie hippies) lately.

We bought the bonsai tree from a man who sells them from a large white van on the side of the road. He is on the list of people who I would love to approach to consider being a subject in a short documentary.

Speaking of that, I bought a camera! It's a beautiful Canon XA10 from Ebay for $850. It isn't exactly a steal, but I felt comfortable investing. I haven't done any real projects yet, and I still need to get editing software (leaning towards Final Cut Pro over Adobe right now). I have a few ideas and loose plans in the works for documentary and fictional films and collaborations with friends. As with everything, I'm trying to remind myself that it is okay to be mediocre or even straight bad in the work I do as long as I strive to grow. We'll see how my first few independent projects go, but I am trying not to let my standards prevent me from developing a skill set that matches those standards.

In other personal news, life has been really nice. Last weekend I road-tripped to DC and spent time with good friends, saw a great show, and fell a little in love with the city. Work has been interesting, and I'm learning a lot about fundraising. I feel absolutely spoiled when I go to my office's parties, and the holiday party last week was no exception; people really went all out for an '80's themed lip-syncing competition that was way more fun than it sounds, and there was an open bar. Boy's lab's holiday party was great fun as well. I got to watch a group of brilliant women scientists from a handful of backgrounds bust a move on the dance floor, and it was fantastic.

I've adjusted to a "big girl" job and schedule well, and have been going to the gym regularly (minus that month of no gym time I just got over) and eating fairly healthy. I'm enjoying where I'm at very much, but am looking forward to future possibilities. The dream of living abroad in the not too far future is particularly interesting. I would love to use French or Spanish regularly again, or learn a new language. We'll see.

Gotta love public art in Carrboro

Obviously, the election has given me many feelings. I am trying to navigate the world as it is, and learn how to curb my sometimes troublesome outspokenness. I am thinking of how to better use my free time and energy towards partnering with others to fuel a better world. I hope to put my thoughts into action in the new year.

So far, I hope to have made a tiny impact by somehow, along with my team, achieving getting Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson to be my office's January "retreat" read. I look forward to discussing big topics with my coworkers and taking a bit of a tangent to discussing our work as fundraisers for Duke, a wealthy, private university located in Durham, NC, a city with great income diversity and a racial history that ties into that income gap. The city is undergoing the process of major gentrification, and I think often about my unintentional role in this process. I hope that by bringing this to the forefront of our group discussion some small, positive shift in perspective and action emerges.

My Philosophy

As I began writing another review, I realized that I feel uncomfortable not speaking about who I am as a reviewer, beyond someone with an interest and some background in storytelling/story absorbing.

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I grew up in Houston suburbia, and didn't like it a bit. Growing up, I hadn't been exposed to much art or literature. I was more liberal than my surroundings. I hated high school, frustrated with my classes and my teachers, most of my classmates. I felt severely uncomfortable in social situations, and simply did not know many people with similar interests or ideas, and did not feel enough confidence in myself to interact with those who did not. In high school, I flocked to Christianity for what I look back on now as an attempt at finding community, an attempt at understanding the world. I had always been a goody goody, less because I wanted to be one and more because of nervousness, and the church allowed me to feel comfortable in my inexperience.

College began; I went to school in San Antonio for a year before transferring to University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I had always been a reader, and for the longest time wanted to get into the publishing business, so I started out studying English. Once I learned of the study of Comparative Literature (a combination of film & literature, the social sciences, history, philosophy, language...), I was sold without a second though, and never looked back.

The church, despite how strongly I had attached myself to it in Texas, became grossly wrong for me in North Carolina. I thrust myself into buffing up my knowledge of the world around me, a knowledge which I felt was very lacking, growing up in the bubble I had. I read books, watched films, honed my mind to create a critical voice. I tried to position myself in the world, tried to understand how the world works. I became confident calling bullshit, I became confident saying with my own voice what is great, instead of relying on others to navigate me. In short, I grew up a little.

I am keenly interested in how media and entertainment shapes the world as we experience and understand it, and this is usually a major part of my reviews. I am interested in pursuing documentary work or nonprofit communications/development as a career, which illustrates some of my interests.

When I watch or read something, I don't have any checklist to judge it. I have to trust my gut, as well as try to wrangle those gut feelings into actual words. Parts I may find great may outweigh the bad, making me more forgiving, or vice versa.

I like stories that feel honest--if they are set in our reality, let it feel real; if it is set in a more fantastic space, use the performance aspect meaningfully. I hate unnecessary storylines, cheap laughs, sloppy character development. I hate when films try too hard; I hate when they feed into stereotypes in an attempt to be real--because stereotypes aren't truly real, they are perpetuated by media. I hate bad camerawork.

I love films that respect how complicated human beings are. I love films that take into consideration how society, the world, works. I love when films explore complicated notions of power and identity. I love when films are subtle, when actors believe in their characters and every line they say, when costume/camera/music are all very intentional. I love intention in film, unless it is the intention to please an audience. Entertainment does not have to mean pleasure. I think that entertainment made solely to please can be dangerous.


So that is a little bit of me, my position, my philosophy. Ultimately, I have my opinions. I will fight tooth and nail for those opinions if I see fit, but I will also change them if I feel proven wrong, or proven different. I love arguing, and I don't (much) mind losing an argument if my opponent is right.

About Me: an update

No longer a wide-eyed, youthful student of literature, I have graduated. Now my wide eyes burn with computer vision syndrome from my first big-girl job.

I've transitioned from soft Carolina to raging Devils blue, working in the development department at Duke University. It's a great place to be, and I'm very excited to get the experience. 

I moved from a belovedly sloppy abode to a crooked apartment in a hundred+ year old home with a deliciously inexpensive taco truck down the block where I have eaten most nights since living there. My love interest/housemate has been working nights, so I have taken to reading at the gym and obsessively cleaning the house around midnight. 

The search for an affordable camera is a painful one. I had to be held back from investing a couple hundred dollars on a beautiful ten year old camera that I found on Craigslist, catch is that it records on tape. I know I could make films on my iPhone, but I really don't have any projects in mind right now. I want to learn the tools, and carrying around a camera makes me feel more confident in looking like a dumbass trying to get the framing I want. I feel like Garp in World According to Garp when he decides that he will write, but then spends a year not writing, just absorbing BUT THEN he does become a writer. Okay, it's a fictional story, but whatever. 

Because of the aforementioned computer vision syndrome, I have been avoiding movies and television lately, reading more in the past week than I have in the past two months. I'm an avid reader when I'm in the zone. If I get around to it I may do some book posts here. I want to put a little more effort into these posts, I'm not super proud of them up to this point. I have to keep reminding myself that that is okay, I'm trying to learn how to write thoughtfully and create meaningful content that is still of the standard I am striving for. We'll see how it goes. At this rate, I'll pop back in two months from now. 

Sending sunshine your way.

Hello, stranger-friend

 

Nice to virtually meet you. My name is Taylor, and I’m on the verge of graduating with a bachelor’s in Comparative Literature and Film. So my opinions on writing/media are infinitely more important than yours, obviously.

Ask any poor soul who has sat through a movie with me, I’m opinionated. As a writer and hopeful filmmaker, these opinions are more than me indulging in the pleasure of hearing my own voice; they are how I understand and appreciate the entertainment around me. The good stuff gives me goosebumps and I won’t shut up about it for days. The bad stuff is wonderful to pick apart and makes me scream to the heavens “why?!”.

We are all extremely influenced by the media we consume, so it is important to be critical of it. It’s also just as important to celebrate the good in it as to be mindful of the bad. I just think it’s important to engage with all this media instead of letting it wash over us.
My partner has challenged me not to be passive in my criticisms, but think about what I would have done differently. This has pushed me to see the good in the bad, and has offered me an opportunity to create a something new, something that I find meaningful out of what was, on the surface, sometimes painful to watch.

Conversations and debates are how I grow. They challenge me to think differently and gracefully accept that I may have been proven wrong, or they present me with an opportunity to make a compelling argument to support my opinion. Feel free to comment (kindly) on any of my posts if you feel I have missed a crucial mark. This blog isn’t about me trying to show the world that I know what I’m doing, it’s a way for me to hone my critical skills in a space that I can totally attach to a job application.

Hope your day is full of sunshine,
Tay